All Harlot and No STD’s

The snow finally melted enough for me to break out the old steed after her long winter nap. While back in the saddle I tried out the new Harlot Hawkeye mountain bike shorts. These shorts are typically what you would consider a downhill short, but since the downhill trails are covered in snow and mud I figured why not a cross county ride?

These shorts are great, but they are not perfect, so let me start with what I don’t like, then the rest is what I do like. First off, if you are going to name your company Harlot your model names should be Harlot names. Hawkeye was a doctor in the TV show MASH, and he was no harlot. A boozer yes, but not a harlot. Harlot should use names like Jezebel (sounds like a harlot from biblical times) or Mustang Ranch (not really a ranch, but if you are familiar with Nevada you know what I mean). This is more a marketing issue, so Harlot if you want to hire me to make your line sound more sleazy consider me your newest harlot.

Second, and this is a complaint across the board with mountain bike shorts. I have not ordered one pair that fits right. They all run way too small. What is the deal with the mountain bike industry? When I order board shorts in the same size I have way too much crack hanging out. Mountain bike shorts…I feel like Santa Clause climbing into a wet suit. In reality, especially with a downhill short, mountain bike shorts should run big so you can fit pads under them if you so desire. There are some pretty nifty impact shorts on the market, but now in order to wear them I need to get another pair of mountain bike shorts. Sure I could lose a few pounds to fit better into them, but it is still winter here in Utah and I still have my winter coat…if you know what I mean. This must be a conspiracy to make shorts run small to motivate us to ride so those lbs will come off. I am sure this is one of those back smoke filled dark room conversations that take place at Interbike, and oh yes they do exist.  Read more